All or none
by CommanderHusky
Summary: Kyle comes back to find an unpleasant surprise.
1. Not what I expected

**Not what I expected**

Everything was so loud. The speakers announcing incoming and outgoing flights, the scanners, the sea of people all around him. Kyle wondered how after such a long flight and with all those things happening he didn't have a huge headache. Although the red head knew that if he spent too much time there he would surely develop one. Emerald eyes scanned the crowd behind the division lines until he spotted a blond man jumping and flailing his arms in his direction next to a black haired one holding a huge sign with his name. Kyle smiled and rushed past the other passengers of his flight towards those two faces he had been needing to see so bad for so long. Once on the other side he was practically tackled by an almost teary Stan who hugged him with enough force to knock all the air off his lungs. Kyle hugged him back though with the same fervor and kissed him deep for a long while, separating only when he absolutely felt the need to breathe "Stan! Oh my god I missed you so much!"

The taller man rubbed at his eyes, clearing them from the tears he had almost spilled and smiled wide "I missed you too Kyle"

A woman who was passing near them looked at the pair with a disgusted expression. Kyle raised an eyebrow and then looked at the blond standing near Stan, letting go of the black haired man and going for another deep kiss with Kenny, only taking his eyes off him when they separated to see that the old woman was now staring at them with eyes like plates and persignating herself. Kyle gave her a devious grin before kissing Kenny again to then laugh at it still holding the blond "Okay… I think the altitude messed your head or something" Kenny gave him a puzzled smile.

"It's nothing" Kyle chuckled and hugged both men tight again "I was needing this so bad!" Then he separated and looked around clearly searching for something.

"Uh… Kyle…" Stan said with a tone that didn't matched the joyful welcome he had given the ginger before "He didn't come"

Kyle knitted his brows still with a little smile on his lips "What, he stayed in the car or something?"

"He didn't come to the airport" Kenny pursed his lips.

"Why?" Kyle's face showed his concern now "Did something happened? Is he okay?"

"Yeah he just… Well he said he couldn't come. That he was too busy preparing everything for tonight and tomorrow" Stan gave Kyle a small and unconvinced smile.

"I see…" Kyle looked quite puzzled and then shook his head "Okay then, let's get out of here. The sooner we leave the sooner we'll be all together"

Kenny nodded and grabbed one of Kyle's bags while Stan took the other. The travel to their house was way less lively than what Kyle would have expected and even if he was bursting with joy about finally being back home and with the men he loved more than anything else, the empty seat beside Kenny in the back was like a suffocating void that muffled his happiness.

It took them a bit more than half an hour to reach the suburb in Fresno where they had their own house. Sometimes Kyle was astounded at the fact that the four of them had been able to buy a house there and a very nice one in a very nice location too and at a decent distance from each of their universities, except for Kyle's of course since he was studying at Oxford. Stan pulled over in front of the garage and told the other two that he would take care of bringing the bags inside. It was a pretty hot day even if it was the end of December and Kyle was clearly not used to those temperatures with having lived all his life in Colorado and the past two years in England. The moment Kyle opened the door and got into the house a very strong and incredibly delicious smell invaded him and the red head smiled wide knowing who was producing that. He looked excited back at Kenny who indicated him where the kitchen was. Kyle had only lived there for a couple of weeks before he went to Oxford and it had been a long time ago so he didn't remember quite well where everything in their house was.

Nonetheless Kyle walked fast towards the kitchen where he could hear clearly that someone was there. He peeked over the side of the door and could see a huge man clad in blue shorts, a black t-shirt and a red apron who was stirring something in a big pot over the stove. All around him were several ingredients and varied already prepared dishes "Smells good in here…" Kyle said without being able to contain a huge smile and not wanting to either. He could see the brown haired man stopping what he was doing and standing there like frozen for a moment before he grunted and kept stirring at the pot. Kyle frowned a bit weirded out by that and walked into the kitchen slowly wrapping his arms around the other from behind. But the large brunet didn't make any indication of even knowing that he was there. Kyle's frown deepened and he let go of the other, standing beside him and looking up to him with a mix of indignation and concern "Is this the welcoming I get from you after all this time?"

Eric put out the fire under the pot and turned around making sure to avoid Kyle's eyes and walked past him to put some things into the fridge "I'm busy" He half grunted and kept doing his thing.

Kyle just stood there in complete shock. Of all of them four, since they had started to be together in a relationship, Eric had always been the most affectionate and the one who showed his love in a physical way the most, either with tight hugs, tender kisses or by doing something he knew any of the other would like. But now, after two years of not seeing each other it was as if the brunet didn't know Kyle, even less loved him "Eric what…?"

Kyle had started but Eric just huffed and frowned at him "If you're gonna help here do it in silence, otherwise leave until I'm done" The brunet's look was hard, almost angry but when their eyes locked his expression softened for a second and Kyle could swear he saw tears in those big brown eyes he loved so much. But Eric just gritted his teeth and moved away again, going to cut some vegetables.

The red head wanted to say something more but the very air around them felt strange and heavily charged with something that stirred his stomach in an awful way. And arguing with a knife wielding Eric was not a good idea under any circumstance so he just forced himself to get out of the kitchen and back to the living room where Stan was already coming inside with his bags "Kyle! Something's wrong?" The black haired man could see the shock, anger, confusion and sadness in his boyfriend's face.

Kyle looked at him briefly feeling lost and slumped onto the main couch. Stan hurried to sit beside and hugged him "Eric, he…" Kyle was talking quietly, making an effort to form words around the knot in his throat "He kicked me out of the kitchen… He didn't even greet me…"

Stan sighed and kissed Kyle's cheek "He's acting a bit weird today…"

"A bit weird?" Kyle raised his voice now "He fucking snarled at me like a vicious dog! What the fuck's up his ass now?"

"Nothing for a few days" Kenny closed the door behind him after coming from outside "Probably that's why he's all grumpy and acting like a douche"

"I don't get it. He was so happy when I told you guys I was coming and also the last time we talked before I left for London…" Kyle leaned against Stan and dabbed a stray tear that had appeared in his eye.

"He was fucking jumping around like a puppy going for a walk" Kenny rolled his eyes and sat beside Kyle "Then a couple of days ago, right after you said you were going to the airport he started with this horrible mood he's been in"

"We couldn't even make love to him" Stan sighed "He just said he wasn't in the mood for that and claimed to be tired whenever we asked what was wrong"

Kyle frowned and scoffed "Eric not in the mood for sex? Yeah right…"

"This is serious Kyle" The black haired man's tone was one of deep worry "Something's not right at all with him"

"Don't be so dramatic dude" Kenny shook his head "It's probably just the shock of having you here after so long Kyle. You know how much it affects him when one of us is away"

"Yeah but…" Kyle closed his eyes and took a deep breath "Okay, I won't push him. Maybe it's just what you say Kenny and he just needs some time and space to get adjusted… I really fucking hope it's just that though…"

Stan hugged the ginger tight and kissed him "I hope so too"

"He's cooking dude" Kenny caressed Kyle's back "Eric never cooks if he's truly upset"

"Unless you count that time when Stan went on vacations during summer and he almost set my parent's house on fire because he zoned out while making sausages" Kyle shook his head with a little smile in his lips "Mom almost kicked him out for that…"

The other two laughed fondly and Stan kissed Kyle again "Are you okay?" Kyle nodded "Good. I'll go see how Eric's doing then. We can't afford him setting our house on fire"

Kyle snickered and nodded while Kenny stood up "Come on Kyle, let's leave your bags upstairs and I'll show you around. We've made some changes since the last time we gave you a VC tour around the house" The red headed man smiled and followed Kenny carrying his bags to the master bedroom.

Kyle left his bags by the closet and plummeted on the huge bed that occupied most of the room "This thing looks even bigger than on the camera"

Kenny laid beside him, draping an arm over the ginger "Eric insisted in having the biggest bed he could get. In the end he had to order it made according to his specifications. Even the sheets had to be custom made. It's a good thing though, no ordinary bed would withstand all our combined weight" The blond scoffed "Especially when Eric gets freaky and pounds us like a madman"

Kyle chuckled and rolled to his side so he could cuddle with Kenny "What is it made of?"

"Iron frame and aluminum alloy for the springs" The blond pulled Kyle closer to him and kissed his forehead.

"Will that guy ever stop exaggerating with everything?" Kyle laughed taking off his shoes so he could rest better on the bed.

"Remember what happened to his bed the time we all tried to have sex on it together?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"Holy shit yes…" Kyle shook his head and laughed "Do you still have the scar?"

Kenny raised his arm and pulled the sleeve of his t-shirt to uncover the scar he had on his armpit from where a spring of Eric's couch had embedded itself inside him "An inch more to the center and I would have died from arterial puncturing"

"How were we so careless at that time?" Kyle sighed and rolled to lay on his back "I mean we did some really crazy shit earlier on our lives but when we began to date… It was as if Eric's recklessness rubbed off on all of us"

"Dude, we had gone through some tough shit back then and being carefree and not worrying about stuff seemed the only way to keep Eric from sinking again" Kenny shrugged.

"What's with him now? You have no idea how much I longed to kiss him again and now he doesn't even wants to look at me" Kyle's voice was heavy now and the knot in his throat was starting to grow again "Did I fucked something up?"

Kenny sighed and hugged Kyle tighter "I don't think he has healed… Not fully. We've managed to keep him standing but you going away might have messed him up in a way he's showing just now"

"I knew it was a bad idea. I felt it in my guts when I got into that plane two years ago…" Kyle felt tears falling from his eyes and he cleared them with a hand.

"Don't say that Kyle. You need this career. It's been your dream ever since we were in middle school" Kenny propped himself up on one arm and loomed over Kyle smiling to him "Look, Eric might need some… Special care, but you're part of us and we all want you to be happy, even him, especially him. And we all know that you studying at Oxford and becoming an archaeologist is crucial for that so yes, Eric might be feeling bad but it's something he needs to deal with. We can help but depriving yourself from what you want will only make you miserable and in turn will make him and all of us miserable too"

Kyle nodded and sighed "I really hope we can work this whole thing out…"

"We will" Kenny smiled to him and they kissed deeply.

A quarter of an hour later they went down to the living room again where Eric was going around as if he was looking for something and Stan was sitting on the couch looking defeated. Kenny cleared his throat and Stan looked to them, Eric just stopped moving around but still with his back to the other two "So, Kyle left the bags in the bedroom and wants to just chill with us for a while but first he's needing something…" Kenny announced and Kyle walked to the couch where he put a hand on Stan's shoulder, closer to Eric but still at a good distance "Eric, didn't you forgot something? Like giving Kyle a welcome kiss and a hug?"

Eric fumbled with the photos that sat on the drawer near the window and shrugged. Stan sighed loud "Dude, stop being a douchebag and fucking greet your boyfriend who's been dying to see you"

The large brunet grumbled something but turned around, walking towards Kyle and pulling the smaller man closer giving him a one armed hug and a brief kiss on the top of his head before quickly grabbing the keys of their car that were on a bowl near the couch and walked swiftly to the door "I'm going to pick up Butters at the airport" And before anyone could say anything he left the house.

The other three men looked stumped at him and finally Kyle groaned furiously and kicked the couch "Fuck! What the fuck is happening?!"

"Calm down Kyle…" Stan stood up and hugged the red head from behind.

"Calm down?" Kyle let out a high pitched squeak "It's like we're back at when we were nine! What the fuck was that about going to pick Butters? His plane doesn't get here until one more hour!" Then Kyle covered his mouth and gasped "You don't think…"

"What? Him and Butters?" Kenny scoffed and shook his head "Butters is straighter than a lamppost and he's coming with his girlfriend remember? Besides… I hate to say this but this is something about you…"

"Kenny's right" Stan pursed his lips "When you went upstairs I went to the kitchen and he was curled up on the floor crying… When I got there he latched onto me like a parasite and didn't let go until I swore him ten times that everything would be fine…" The black haired man sighed and shook his head "He didn't want to tell me what's happening though"

Kyle pulled out from the embrace with Stan and rubbed his face with a hand, trying to calm his shallow breathing "Maybe coming here was a fucking mistake…"

"No dude! How can you say that?" Kenny moved closer and tried to put his hand on Kyle's shoulder.

But the ginger moved past him, almost running to the stairs "I need a shower and then some sleep…" Kenny moved to grab Kyle but Stan grabbed his arm instead, stopping him and shaking his head knowing that Kyle needed some space right now.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	2. What happened eight years ago

_**What happened eight years ago**_

"_Stabbed by the competition, overdosed, killed by a client… Of all the ways she could have died, a truck did her in"_

"_Kenny! Don't speak like that" Kyle frowned deeply at his blond friend taking his eyes off his homework just enough to reprimand him._

"_Yeah dude, that's fucked up" Stan shook his head._

"_What happened to her was fucked up" Kenny shrugged "I mean, they didn't even catch the guy who split her in half"_

"_Dude! Cut it out already" Kyle huffed and put down his history book "Of us all I thought you would be the one to respect her most what with all the leftovers she gave you whenever you went to their house"_

"_I was fond of her" Kenny rolled his eyes "Respect is not about shutting your mouth and pretend nothing that happened. I at least I'm mad about this"_

"_Kenny has a point" Stan nodded and laid on the grass beside Kyle "What's weird is that Cartman hasn't asked us to go with him to find and kill the trucker who murdered his mom though"_

"_He's been awfully quiet the past couple of weeks" Kyle frowned a bit playing with the cover of his book "Fatass is probably just taking his time to plan it out"_

_Kenny sat in front of the other two and shook his head "I don't think so… He's been acting… Well, not like himself. I know when he's preparing for something and this is not it"_

"_You may be right, yesterday he didn't even protested when they said at school that Friday had been declared a vegetarian day at the cafeteria…" Stan grabbed a small rock and began to throw it up and catch it when it came down._

"_That's because he hasn't been eating at all" Kenny sighed._

"_Yeah right and last night a pig was piloting a helicopter and asked me to help him find the Holy Grail" Kyle scoffed "Since when Cartman doesn't eat?"_

"_Since his mother was splashed onto the main road on her way back home" The blond scowled at Kyle "You might not care about it but he is my friend, our friend and he's not doing well"_

"_It's not that we don't care but… What exactly can we do about it?" Stan rolled to his side looking at Kenny "We all tried talking to him after the funeral and later and he always shuts us out"_

"_We try harder" Kenny crossed his arms over his chest "If it were any of you in his shoes he wouldn't just sit down and let you be miserable"_

"_No, he would make it worse" Kyle leaned against the tree behind him. The other two looked at him, Stan raising an eyebrow and Kenny openly scowling at him "What? He has tried and succeeded in making us miserable before"_

"_You said it: Before" Kenny huffed clearly angry "He hasn't been an ass in a long time. Well, not as much an ass at least…"_

"_Just because he's calmer now doesn't erase what he did in the past" Kyle rolled his eyes and looked away._

"_Sometimes I wonder how can you say all those things about him and claim he's an evil fuck when you're not even giving him the slightest chance to make things right even when he's doing bad because he just lost his god damned mother" Kenny got up and began to walk away._

"_Wait! Dude, wait. Kyle didn't mean it that way" Stan got up too and jogged to stop the blond "Look, all this is really fucked up and we're all on edge about it okay? Kyle didn't mean to be a jerk. Right Kyle?" He turned around and gave his friend a serious look._

_Kyle huffed and got up stashing his homework in his bag "Okay… He might have been a bastard but I guess you're right about this" The ginger walked to the others "What do you suggest we do then?"_

_Kenny looked around thinking and shrugged "Not sure. Have any of you even seen him anyways?"_

"_He didn't come to school today" Stan pursed his lips "I just thought maybe he took the day off because all of this mess"_

"_I'm sure he wouldn't leave if he's really feeling that bad" Kenny nodded slowly "We should check at his house then and… I don't know, maybe try to distract him?"_

"_Maybe if I goad him into making a bet his mind will be out of this whole thing for a while" Kyle adjusted his backpack on his shoulders "Or I could punch him"_

"_That's stupid and mean" Kenny huffed shaking his head "But we're talking of Cartman so it might work"_

"_Let's get going then" Stan patted on Kenny's shoulder and they began their way to Eric's house._

_The sun had already begun setting behind the mountains and darkness was quickly covering it all. The houses were all starting to turn on their lights, all but Eric's. By the time the boys reached the Cartman household darkness had spread around but there was no light coming from inside "You think he's not inside?" Stan asked walking to the door and ringing the bell._

"_Maybe he's asleep…" Kenny just shrugged and they waited for a minute. Then the blond frowned a bit and rang the bell several times in quick succession. No answer came from inside even after another minute. _

_Kyle finally rolled his eyes and huffed as he stomped to the door and banged on it hard and tried the handle which made him gasp a little when the door opened "He never leaves the door unlocked" He looked at the others with his brows knitted "You think something's wrong?"_

_Kenny and Stan looked at him frowning too and they all went inside. There was absolute silence in the house and it was very cold. Stan went to the kitchen and Kenny moved to the basement while Kyle climbed the stairs to search in Eric's room. He knocked a couple times on the door and again there was no answer but there was a very faint sound that he was sure if the house hadn't been so silent he wouldn't have been able to hear it. The ginger tried the handle, again the door gave way and Kyle walked inside. The room was very dark but there was something really large right at the middle. As Kyle's eyes adjusted to the darkness he thought for a second that it might be Eric who was standing there waiting for him to speak but there was something odd with that image. Finally Kyle realized the form was moving and it was that what produced the faint sound, a creaking of something he didn't recognized at first but then knew it was from a rope that was being forced. Kyle was puzzled now, the figure wasn't standing, it was hanging from the ceiling. Kyle's heart leaped horribly in his chest, as if it had jumped off a precipice and he shouted with all the might in his lungs "GUYS!"_

_Stan and Kenny both heard the shriek and rushed up, meeting by the stair and looking at each other with concern. When they finally reached the room they saw Kyle frantically trying to push up something huge that was dangling from the ceiling "Help! I can't! Stan help!" Kyle shouted again clearly overstrained._

_The black haired boy rushed to imitate Kyle and between the two of them managed to push the figure up a little bit though it was incredibly heavy and not even the adrenaline of the urgency was giving them enough strength to hold it up there. Kenny darted to the closet and Kyle wanted to shout at him, to insult him for doing gods know what instead of helping them but then he saw the blond holding something in his hand, something that shone in the dim light that entered from outside. Kenny ran to the bed, hopped on it and then jumped towards the figure, swinging the large hunting knife in one precise sweep that cut the rope above the figure. Kyle and Stan couldn't take the added weight and fell to the floor. Eric finally slumped onto the floor too, a bit on top of them like a huge sack of potatoes._

_Kyle moved near Eric's head, he didn't register that his heart was beating dangerously fast or that his breathing wasn't getting any air to his blood. The only thing he could think of was getting that damn rope off Eric's neck. But it had been tied too tight, the knot was impossible to undo quickly and he despaired. Then he saw how Stan was now wielding the knife and cut the rope, finally releasing it from Eric's throat where it had left a nasty red mark. The black haired boy wasted no time before opening Eric's mouth and closed the round nose with his fingers, leaning down and blowing hard into the brunet's mouth three times before checking on his pulse. Kyle then shook his head to shake the stupor from it and put his hands over Eric's chest, giving a nod to Stan who blew again into Eric's mouth and then Kyle pushed down onto the larger boy's chest in three quick motions. They repeated the process several times. A faint side of Kyle's mind could see and feel the tears landing on Eric's chest and his hands and could see Stan's face shimmering wetly too, but he tried hard to concentrate on applying the right amount of force and with the correct rhythm. Stan was losing his own air and clearly his hope too when Eric was shaken by a spasm and inhaled loud and hard to then starting to cough drily. Kyle stopped his movements and finally willed himself to breathe again. Stan looked up to Kenny and managed to pant out "911"_

"_Already on their way" Kenny sat beside Eric's head and dabbed at his own tears to then caress the brunet's head. Kyle sat heavily beside the fat boy's chest and could feel it pushing his hands up with each ragged breath. Eric opened his eyes weakly and tried to look around before he closed them again, his head falling to the side and went back to unconsciousness but Kyle couldn't contain a smile at the feeling of Eric's heartbeat under his hands._

_Kyle felt himself being shaken by the shoulder and finally opened his eyes. Stan was smiling at him "Hey dude, your shift is over"_

_The red head yawned and got up, stretching and wincing at the pain in his back and neck "I'll never understand why the hospital chairs for the people staying with someone are so damn uncomfortable"_

"_Budget I would guess…" Stan shrugged "And probably to discourage homeless people from sleeping here using some friend or something as an excuse too" The black haired boy rummaged through his bag and took out the book he had been reading and a Tupperware which handed to Kyle "Mom made brownies and some sandwiches since I'll be spending lunch time here. Want some?"_

_Kyle shook his head and began to store his things in his own bag "No thanks. I'll eat something when I get back home. I really need a shower. Fucking hate hospital smell"_

"_I thought you would be used to it with all the time you've spent here before" Stan leaned a bit over the railing of the bed that occupied the center of the room and sighed "Any progress?"_

_The ginger rubbed the sleep off his eyes and shook his head "Doctor came again in the night and checked on him. He's sure it's not a coma and that there shouldn't be brain damage but they're not sure why he hasn't woken up already"_

"_Maybe he just doesn't want to…" Stan looked sadly at the large brunet laying in the bed strapped to sensors and IVs._

"_I thought the lack of actual food for this long would have made him react already" Kyle scoffed._

"_Dude… Knock it off with the acting" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose._

"_What acting?" The red head slung his backpack over his shoulder._

"_If you really didn't cared for him, if you really hated him to actually mean all those things you say you wouldn't have been so desperate that day nor would you be here taking turns with us to watch over him" Stan looked a bit serious at Kyle "Whatever happened before we know that you don't despise him as much as you have told him. It would be good for you to admit it already. It would have been good if you have told him so too before all this"_

_Kyle frowned a bit and shook his head "I'm not having this conversation now" He turned around to leave._

"_Fucking pussy always running away from the truth" The two boys were frozen by a coarse voice coming from the bed. Stan looked down and could see Eric stirring in his bed, clearly struggling to open his eyes "Where the fuck am I? This bed's fucking awful"_

_The black haired boy smiled with his eyes getting watery "Finally. You're in the hospital Cartman. You've been sleeping here for the past two days after…"_

_Eric opened his eyes at last and looked up to Stan before frowning, weakly moving a hand to his throat "What?... Fuck… Did the fucking rope snapped or something?" He looked away and sounded disappointed._

_Stan shook his head and had to dab at his face to wipe off the tears "Kenny cut it. When we found you…"_

"_You should've left me the fuck alone" Eric was scowling at the window now, his voice angry and poisonous "The one time I'm fucking glad you assholes are not around you ruin it for me"_

"_Ruin it?" Kyle finally turned around and scowled at Eric "We fucking saved your life asshole!"_

"_Didn't asked you to" Eric huffed and tried to turn around but he was probably too weak still so he just remained looking away._

"_What the hell fatass?!" Kyle stomped towards the bed "You're mad because we didn't let our friend to fucking kill himself?" Eric just flipped him off without looking and Kyle kicked the floor before turning around again "I shouldn't have bothered with all this" He huffed furiously and stormed out of the room._

_The ginger could hear Stan calling for him and he stopped just outside the room long enough to hear a faint "Did he meant it? The friend thing?" Coming from Eric before he shook his head and walked away, dabbing furiously at the tears in his eyes._

"_Are you coming with us later?" Kenny asked Kyle while they were having lunch at school._

"_Yeah…" Kyle nodded not entirely convinced._

"_Dude, you promised to try and be more open about all this" Stan nudged his side with an elbow._

"_It's not that" Kyle sighed moving the food all around his plate, not really eating anything "But guys… Don't you think it's too early for him to be released?"_

"_It's the standard time" Kenny shrugged "And none too soon. You saw what kind of shit that place is, being in there will not improve his health, physical or mental"_

"_At least there he's being watched and goes to therapy and stuff…" Kyle pushed his plate deciding that his stomach wouldn't magically open so he wouldn't be able to eat._

"_He can't stay there any longer" Stan sighed looking down too "Mom told me the doctor supervising him said he should stay because there's a ton of shit to work with him but the authorities of the hospital won't house him there anymore because they're severely underhanded"_

"_And what? He will be better staying alone in his house and fending off by himself?" Kyle frowned a bit and pushed his plate further onto Kenny when he saw the blond picking at the food in there "I still can't believe he's allowed to remain in his house all by himself"_

"_His mom apparently left him some good money she had been saving for years. That's why she 'worked' so hard" Kenny traded his empty plate for Kyle's and attacked the food there "His uncles don't want to take care of him and he paid the social services people to keep him off any orphanage. Or extorted them or some shit. I'm not entirely sure about that part"_

"_That was before!" Kyle exclaimed balling his fists over the table "He fucking tried to kill himself! What will stop him from doing it again? He needs to be under guard all the time"_

_Kenny and Stan looked at each other and the black haired boy pursed his lips "We're gonna do that" Kyle looked puzzled at Stan "Kenny and I talked and we agreed to stay with him at all times. I'll do my part during the day and Kenny's gonna stay with him overnight"_

"_I wanted to take him home with me but obviously we can't afford that and living with my shit parents will do him no good" Kenny finished Kyle's food and sat back satisfied._

"_Why didn't you tell me about it?" Kyle looked at them surprised and a bit hurt._

"_We thought you wouldn't want to do such a thing" Stan bit the inside of his cheek and looked to the table "It's not like you have expressed much interest in him… You went to visit at the clinic only once"_

"_That was!..." Kyle frowned and gritted his teeth before taking a deep breath "That's because I couldn't stand to see him there all drugged up and barely able to speak and looking like a miserable shit" The red head noticed that his vision was blurred and rubbed at his eyes to stop some tears from coming out "I'm going to take a shift too. We can rotate and I'll watch him over some days and stay at his house some nights too"_

"_Are you sure?" Kenny asked worried "I mean, the least he needs right now is to be fighting with you…"_

_Kyle glared at the blond for a second and then huffed. He looked down and his expression eased up, looking more sad than angry "I don't… I don't want to fight with him anymore…" He scoffed "I'll still put him in his place if he starts being an asshole but…"_

_Stan put a hand on Kyle's shoulder and squeezed softly "It's settled then" Kyle smiled at him and nodded._

"_Can you fucking leave the bathroom?" Eric asked annoyed and threw the folded clothes over the sink._

"_We made a deal dude. We won't leave your side never until we're sure you're not going to do anything stupid and in turn we won't tell social services how you managed to swindle some of its workers to remain alone while still being underage" Stan leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest._

"_I just want to fucking take a shower alone for once" Eric rolled his eyes and pouted like a little child._

"_I will turn around if you don't want me seeing you or you can undress behind the curtains" Stan remained firm smiling a bit at the brunet's pouting. He wondered how Kenny managed this situation when he stayed with Eric. Today the blond was sick so it had fallen on Stan to spend the night watching over their friend._

"_I gotta take a massive dump before" Eric imitated Stan and crossed his arms too._

"_Bullshit, you did that half an hour ago" Stan rolled his eyes._

"_Goddamnit, fine! I just need to fucking jack off in peace!" Eric threw his hands to the air and kicked the toilet "What, do you want to oversee that too?"_

_Stan scrunched his nose "Don't be gross dude"_

"_It's not gross. It's normal" Eric huffed "You can't tell me you don't do it. If you were Kahl I guess I could believe it. That guy must have the sex drive of a fucking dinner plate…" The large brunet sighed and looked at Stan with pleading eyes "Dude… Don't be like this. It's been a fucking week already! You don't know how fucking hard this has been for me… Or more like, how hard I have been…"_

_Stan shuddered and closed his eyes "Dude! Stop it!" The black haired boy pinched the bridge of his nose "Can't you like… Do it in the shower or something?"_

_Eric huffed annoyed "Standing up fucking sucks…" Then he groaned and began to take off his clothes "Fine… But you gotta buy be some KFC tomorrow or I'll just stay in this fucking bathroom and you'll have to stay with me"_

_Stan quickly turned around enough to not see Eric undressing but still looked over at the most of the bathroom as he could. He was still the most terrified of Eric trying something again "Okay, I'll buy you some wings tomorrow just… Be quiet while…" He shook his head and sighed._

"_Fucking perv…" Eric muttered and finally got into the shower._

_Stan turned around again and lowered the lid of the toilet to sit there while Eric took his shower. He just couldn't take the image of what the brunet was doing in there off his head. The wet smacking sounds coming from the shower didn't help at all. Stan remained the whole time stiffly looking to the front with his cheeks completely red and biting his lower lip._

_Kyle woke up suddenly to the sound of his cellphone blaring at max volume. He groaned and turned around to grab it. He unlocked it and watched the time: 2:45am. Then he looked at the caller, it was Stan. A horrible chill went down Kyle's spine and answered immediately "Stan?! What is it? Something happened?"_

"_Kyle! He's gone! I woke up with a weird feeling and he wasn't in his bed and I looked around the house and I can't find him Kyle I don't know what to do!" Stan frantically stumbled all over his words, clearly freaking out._

"_Shit… Okay Stan calm down. I can find where he is just call Kenny and come pick me up so we can look for him" Kyle got up and hurriedly got dressed before storming down the stairs, grabbing the first aid kit of the house before heading out. Just five minutes later Stan's car screeched in front of him and Kenny opened the back door for Kyle who got into the car as quickly as he could "How long it's been since you saw he wasn't there?"_

"_I… I'm not sure… Ten, fifteen minutes…" Stan's hands were shaking and he was panting. Then he suddenly stopped the car "Kenny, I can't… Drive… You do it" He was wheezing and took a shot of his inhaler before trading seats with Kenny._

"_I don't even know where the fuck to go though" The blond gritted his teeth._

"_Calm down, I'm activating his tracker" Kyle said while fumbling with his phone._

"_Tracker? What the fuck?" Kenny exclaimed starting to drive down their street._

"_I installed it on his phone without him noticing last week. I thought something like this could happen" The red head then gasped and frowned "Fucking hell? What the fuck is he doing there?"_

"_Where? Did you find him?" Stan looked back at Kyle desperately._

"_He's at the cabin…" Kyle's breathing was starting to become erratic. Kenny's grip on the wheel hardened and he stepped on the gas, speeding towards the forest._

_Fifteen minutes later they stopped abruptly in front of a dilapidated cabin in the middle of the forest. Kyle went all the way praying and as soon as he could the red head stormed out of the car and ran to the building. Without bothering with knocking, Kyle began to kick on the door, trying to bring it down. Stan ran beside him and they both slammed it with their shoulders. The door made a loud creaking sound and flew off its hinges with Stan and Kyle falling inside._

_Kenny got inside after them and could see a quite shocked Eric sitting on the floor at the other end of the cabin, his face showed clearly that he had been crying "What the fuck?" Eric frowned and rubbed at his face trying to wipe off the tears._

"_We're wondering the same" Kenny walked towards Eric glaring at him "We're doing everything we can to keep you safe and you pull this kind of bullshit on us?"_

"_What's your fucking damage fatass?" Kyle had gotten up quickly and walked beside Kenny "Stan almost had an attack from the nerves of waking up to find you fucking gone!"_

_Eric's eyes shown concern when he shot a quick look at Stan who had stood up too but then he just looked away and huffed "What's _your_ damage? Why the fuck are you doing all this if you all hate me? You should've fucking left me die"_

_Stan walked past the other two, crouched in front of Eric and grabbed him by his shirt, slamming him against the wall behind "Take that back! You're not dying on our watch" His voice was firm and his face stern, looking at Eric through steely eyes. None of the others had ever seen him like this "What's that bullshit of us hating you? Why the fuck do you think we're trying this hard to keep you alive?"_

_Eric managed to get out of his shock and shrugged "Because you enjoy watching me being miserable. Like everyone else…" Stan shook him again and Eric scowled at him, pushing the black haired boy away and making him stumble onto the floor. _

_Kyle kneeled beside Stan and held him, not so much because he was worried about him but because he feared his friend could begin a fight with Eric when that was the last thing they needed at the moment. Besides he could see the worry and regret in Eric's eyes when he pushed Stan so he knew the brunet didn't want to fight either._

_Kenny crouched beside Eric and smacked at his head. Eric protested and Kenny just shoved him a bit "That's what you get for being an asshole. Seriously dude, it's been eleven years we've known each other and you still can't see that we all care about you? Who do you think stood by your side all the time while you were unconscious at the hospital? Cut the bullcrap already Eric. There's no need any more to pretend that you don't care about us too" Eric frowned and looked down but the moonlight reflected the tears that were coming out from his eyes "How do you think we would feel if you actually died?"_

_The husky teen sniffled and wiped the tears off his face again "I didn't come here to kill myself… I don't want to die…"_

_Kyle knitted his brows puzzled "Then why the fuck did you made us worry like this?"_

_Eric looked to the side and wiped off more tears from his eyes "Exactly for that. Because if you're not worried about me dying then you will leave me alone again…" He started to sob quietly._

_Stan moved closer and sat in front of Eric "You're such a fucking moron…" He scoffed and patted on the brunet's knee "We're not around you just because we fear you're gonna try to commit suicide again"_

"_Yes you are. If I was okay you would go back to your houses and to your things and would leave me alone" Eric was shivering a bit now and his sobbing was louder "I can't be alone…"_

_Kyle moved closer too and sighed "What, you actually want us to be around you all the time?" Eric shrugged and then nodded._

"_Dude, we have our own lives too" Stan bit the inside of his cheek "We've been doing this effort for you but it's taking a toll on all of us…"_

"_We could try to work something out" Kenny pursed his lips "Maybe not being twenty four seven with you but we could try to keep you company as much as we can"_

_Eric stopped sobbing and sniffled "You would really do that for me?" _

_The other three nodded smiling at him and Kyle added "Only if you swear not to do something idiotic ever again"_

_The large brunet rolled his eyes but nodded too. Then he smiled a bit and looked at them before looking at the floor "I… I love you guys…"_

_Stan patted on his leg again and smiled wider "We love you too dude. Despite all the shit you've done you're a good friend"_

_Eric looked at him for a second and then knitted his brow looking down before standing up "You don't understand…" He muttered and walked past all of them and out of the cabin._

_Stan looked puzzled at the other two and Kenny sighed shaking his head before walking out too behind Eric. Kyle got up too and gave his hand for Stan to do the same. They walked out after the others and found them sitting on a log outside, Eric was clearly crying again and Kenny was rubbing his back with a hand._

_They walked closer and Stan looked sadly at Eric "What's the matter dude? Did I say something wrong?"_

_Eric kept sobbing and Kenny shook his head "Not wrong just… Well, it seems that 'just friends' doesn't work for him"_

_Stan widened his eyes in surprise "You mean?... Cartman do you… _Love_ love me?"_

_The brunet stopped crying and rubbed his face with his hands "All the three of you morons…"_

"_What?!" Kyle shrieked and looked at the other shocked._

"_I don't get it dude. I mean, you always gave off gay vibes but you've also jacked it to chicks with me. I thought you were straight" Kenny scratched at his stubble._

"_People are bi asshole" Eric rolled his eyes and then shoved Kenny away "And fuck you. I don't look gay"_

"_Wait so… What? I mean…" Stan was sweating from the nerves and started to walk in circles "So what the… I mean… Fuck dude!" _

_Kyle grabbed the black haired boy by the shoulders and stopped him "Easy dude" Then he looked at Eric "Cartman I… I don't know what to say…"_

_Eric shrugged and looked away "You don't need to say anything. It's not like I proposed to any of you or whatever. You wouldn't say yes anyways"_

"_You don't know that" Kenny rubbed at Eric's back again._

"_I um… Have to agree with Kenny" Kyle cleared his throat and looked to the side._

"_What the hell?!" Stan looked bewildered at Kyle and the red head just shrugged and blushed a bit._

"_So what, now that the truth is out you're gonna ask one of us out?" Kenny grinned._

_Eric shook his head and bit his lower lip "It's all of you or no one"_

"_Dude!" The other three exclaimed in unison._

"_Really?" Kyle was still holding a distressed Stan and imitated Kenny by rubbing at his back to calm him down "The king of not sharing anything wants to have a poly relationship?" The ginger scoffed but he looked a bit nervous as well._

_Eric shrugged "We always work best when it's the four of us. If that's the case for any crazy shit adventure we've had why it can't be the same as boyfriends?"_

"_He has a good point" Kenny nodded "I for one am up for it" Eric shot a surprised look at him "What? Don't tell me you've never seen me checking you out before. And I wouldn't mind getting a piece of you two either" He winked an eye to Stan and Kyle._

_The ginger rolled his eyes but smiled a bit shyly then he looked at the boy beside him "Stan?"_

_The black haired teen was shaking a bit and looking anywhere but the other three "I don't know dude… I mean… It might be easier for you because you're gay but…"_

"_Kahl's gay?" Eric asked raising his brows._

_Kyle nodded "Yeah… I just realized it about a year ago though"_

"_And you only told Stan of course…" Eric rolled his eyes "Some fucking friendship we have keeping secrets from each other…"_

"_Shut up lardass! You talk about keeping secrets and you've had all kinds of shit bottled up inside your whole life!" Kyle retorted angrily and then huffed "Besides you would have tried to use it against me or something"_

_Eric frowned at the red head but then shrugged "Yeah I would have I guess… But only to get in your pants" He grinned wickedly at the other and Kyle blushed even more._

"_Stan, are you okay?" Kenny knitted his brows a bit concerned._

"_I guess… A bit shaken up though…" Stan looked at Eric and sighed "Look dude I don't… Have all this figured out like any of you do. Just until last year I had a girlfriend and I don't know… I do have my curiosities but…" _

_Eric stood up and moved closer to Stan, putting his hands on the side of his shoulders "Look dude, when I said I love you I meant it. I'm not fucking around with this, it's seriously how I feel and that means I want to see you happy so if this is too much for you…"_

_Stan leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Eric's body "Just promise you won't be an idiot and leave us here by ourselves and I'll… I'll think about it"_

_The brunet smiled and hugged Stan too tightly. Then he pulled out of the embrace and looked at Kyle "So…"_

_The ginger bit his lower lip and looked to the side "I guess… It wouldn't be bad to at least try… Can't promise anything but it does have its logic…"_

_Eric beamed and hugged Kyle too who chuckled and returned the hug. Kenny got up from the log and patted on Eric's back "Where's mine?" The fat teen smirked and hugged him too, lifting him off the ground for a moment._

_They all laughed and then walked to Stan's car. Everyone got up but Eric remained outside, looking to the forest with his eyes becoming watery once more "What is it?" Stan asked._

"_I don't want to go back to that empty house" Eric whimpered softly and leaned against the car._

"_It's not gonna be empty when we get back. I'll still stay with you tonight dude" Stan smiled to the brunet._

"_It's still empty… It will always be…" Eric gulped and dabbed at the tears in his eyes "I don't want to go back there…"_

_The other three boys looked at each other worried and sad but then Kyle's expression hardened with resolve "You don't have to. You're coming with me"_

"_Tonight maybe but then what?" Eric shrugged looking miserable._

"_No I mean…" Kyle took a deep breath "Not tonight of course but I'll ask my parents to take you in… I'm sure I can do something to convince them… Would you come live at my place?"_

_Eric choked on a sob and then jumped to hug Kyle through the window of the car which was something very difficult and awkward but the red head just chuckled and returned the hug as best as he could. Eric then sat inside the car and tapped on Stan's seat "What are we waiting for? Dude, get us out of this fucking place"_

_Stan laughed at Eric's sudden enthusiasm and started the car, driving them all back to town._

_***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles._


	3. That's more like it

**That's more like it**

Eric was sitting inside his car, fingers tapping on the steering wheel but he was too upset to even care about not going to the rhythm of the song that was playing. He wasn't even enjoying his "Super awesome driving mix" anyways. At least Eric had caught a place with shade so he didn't have to suffer under the sun. It didn't mattered though, nothing did, not when he was aching so much inside that he had to pour every ounce of his will into not starting to cry for the millionth time that day. Eric hated all that was happening but most of all he hated himself for having a mind that constantly spewed the worst thoughts anyone could conceive and for being so weak that he actually listened to them.

He hated waiting too so he sighed relieved when the clock told him that Butters' plane was probably already landing. The large brunet hurried out of the car and walked inside the airport to wait for his friend. He still had to wait though and twenty minutes later he was huffing annoyed and tapping at the floor with his foot when the arrival gates opened and the crowd began to emerge. Eric quickly looked around until he found the yellow mop he was expecting and he actually smiled for once that day. Butters walked briskly despite carrying two large bags in tow, his girlfriend walked beside him looking a bit worried at the weight Butters was dragging. The blond smiled wide when he saw Eric and once outside the arrival area he jumped to hug him tight. Eric chuckled at the other's excitement and hugged him too "Fuck dude! Are you doing weights or something? Last time we saw each other you didn't hugged this hard"

Butters chuckled too and blushed a bit "Well actually yes. I need to be strong if I want to work with especially hard patients since some could turn violent sometimes"

"What? I thought you were gonna cure them with love!" Eric smirked "Or kill them with one of your songs…"

The blond punched softly onto Eric's arm "Don't be mean… Not this early at least" But he was smiling too "This is Violet. I mean you know each other but just online…"

Eric shook the brunette's hand and she smiled "Wow, you didn't seemed this tall over the cam"

"And you look too sane to be with Butters. Tell me the truth, is he paying you? Extorting you? Did he kidnap your cat?" Eric's smirk turned devilish.

"Eric!" The blond pouted.

"He doesn't need any of that" Violet laughed "Leo does so many things so good that I'm surprised I'm not the one having to extort him or something to be with me"

"Wow! Okay, TMI dudes" Eric raised his hands laughing "Let's get going before this conversation turns awkward" The brunet winked an eye to the girl "I taught him all he knows about women by the way"

"Try the other way around" Butters chuckled and carried the bags again as they started to walk. Eric rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else.

Once at the hotel Eric sat heavily on the bed and smirked "Well, it didn't creaked so at least we know for sure the bed is good" Butters had insisted in them staying at a hotel even when Eric and the others told them they could stay at their home because he said that with Kyle there they all would like to have as much alone time as they could and he didn't want to interfere. They were staying for only a few days anyways.

The other two were putting away the bags and Violet excused herself to the bathroom to freshen up. Butters smiled and sat beside Eric "I'm so glad to see you again. Can't wait to see the others too, especially Kyle, it's been so long since we talked in person" Eric's smiled faded at the mention of the red head and looked away. Butters noticed that and fidgeted with his shirt a bit "It's awful nice that you brought us all the way here but I thought you would want to be at your place, probably doing something good for tonight and enjoying that you're all finally together after so long…"

Eric gulped and shrugged "It's fine dude…"

"Eric, I know you since we were babies and I'm studying to become a psychiatrist. I know when you're not feeling fine" Butters put a hand on Eric's shoulder.

The large brunet sighed and looked down "I'm not feeling how I should… I'm not… Happy that…" He was talking in a hushed and sad tone.

"Want to go out for a while and talk about it? I'll tell Violet to wait for me here if you need to talk in private" Butters rubbed softly at Eric's shoulder and the other man nodded. The blond stood up and raised his voice a bit "Sweetie, I'm going out with Eric for a little while to buy some stuff okay? Will be back in no time!"

"Okay honey!" She replied and Butters stood up, patting at Eric's shoulder before they walked out of the room.

Two hours later and after at least ten messages from Stan and Kenny asking if he was going to at least have dinner with them Eric headed back to his house. When he arrived Stan lectured him about being away for so long when they all were waiting for him and Kenny just frowned at him. Eric didn't even had the strength to talk back to them and just went to the kitchen saying he wanted to finish preparing things for dinner, already dreading having to share the table with Kyle.

As he had expected, there was a very uncomfortable silence during dinner at first. Eric just ate without enjoying the food at all and never looked up to the ginger in front of him. Finally Kyle just huffed and started to talk with the other two, seemingly not wanting to miss out on having a nice dinner because of Eric's mood.

When they finished Kyle and Stan went for a walk around the neighborhood and Kenny just sat beside Eric on the couch while the brunet watched TV, the two of them in silence as if Kenny expected Eric to talk about what was happening. An hour later Stan and Kyle got back and the red head said he wanted to get to bed early. He looked happy when Eric followed them all into the bedroom but his smile dropped when the fat man just grabbed his pillow and a bed sheet saying he was sleeping downstairs on the couch.

It was 1am and Eric couldn't sleep. He imagined it would be that way, he never slept well without having his goodnight kiss from the others or its online equivalent. At least he couldn't hear the sounds of his boyfriends having sex. Something gnawed at his mind telling him they would have done it already while he was with Butters probably. Eric did heard footsteps coming down the stair some minutes later and he rolled to his side, facing the wall and closing his eyes, he wasn't in the mood for another lecture.

"Hey…" Kenny's voice could be heard, probably he was standing right behind Eric. The brunet didn't move a muscle. Kenny sighed and pushed Eric on his back with a foot "Turn around and look at me. I know you're not asleep" Eric huffed and turned to lay on his back, looking to the ceiling "I said look at me" Kenny's voice was firm. Eric rolled his eyes and finally looked at the blond "That's better. Now will you fucking tell me what's all this shit of sleeping here and being an asshole to Kyle the whole day?"

"I'm not in the mood for this Kenny. Go upstairs and leave me alone" Eric glared at him.

"The fuck I'll do that. You're gonna tell me what's happening now" Kenny scowled at the brunet "Don't make me force you to…" Eric scoffed and rolled his eyes. Kenny frowned for a moment but then just sighed tired and sat beside Eric's legs which was quite the feat since the large man occupied most of the couch "Dude, Kyle's upstairs crying… He's been like that since you came down here" Eric's tough expression broke and the sadness could be clearly seen in his eyes but he just shrugged and looked away "What's the matter between you two? Is there something Stan and I don't know?"

Eric shook his head and wiped a couple of tears that had amounted in his eyes "I don't… Feel good around Kyle right now. I don't know why…"

"Bullshit, you know perfectly well why but you don't want to tell me" Kenny huffed "Dude, I thought we were past this stupidity of keeping your thoughts and worries to yourself. We pretty much made a pact about it when we started to date" The blond caressed Eric's leg "Kyle's having a really hard time now. He's thinking you don't love him anymore…"

"Maybe he's right" Eric frowned but had to dab at some more tears.

"Cut the crap already!" Kenny exclaimed "You were the one who told us 'it's all of us or no one' or you don't remember that? You're expecting me to believe that changed? I know you Eric, I know you're just trying to put on a front because you're too stubborn or scared to face whatever is bothering you like you did when we were kids"

Eric shifted uncomfortably in the couch, feeling trapped both physically and mentally "So what if I do?"

"Then you will move that huge and pretty ass of yours upstairs and you will talk to Kyle and fix whatever's happening to you so we can have some nice holidays and actually enjoy that we're all together again" Kenny patted at Eric's leg "Come on, get up" He did just that and looked down to Eric.

The large brunet sighed and slowly sat on the couch, he smirked at Kenny "Just pretty?"

Kenny rolled his eyes and chuckled "Beautiful. But don't make me kick it when I've been dying to kiss it" Eric chuckled too and sighed again before standing up "Go!" Kenny playfully kicked Eric's butt and the other began to walk to their bedroom.

"I'm coming in" Eric knocked on the door and didn't wait for a response as he walked inside. Kyle was sitting in the bed and quickly wiped the tears off his face while Stan was hugging him from behind. Eric frowned sadly at the scene and cleared his throat "Kyle… I need to talk to you"

Kyle sniffled and looked away "I'm tired and not in the mood. Can you wait until tomorrow?"

"No, we're talking right now" Eric got closer to the bed speaking in a harsh tone.

The red head glared at him "Fuck you fatass! You've spent the whole fucking day being an idiot and not even talking to me and now you want to do it?"

"This is all your fault stupid jew!" Eric huffed.

"My fault? My fucking fault?!" Kyle stood up in front of Eric looking up at him ready to fight "How it's you turning again into the fucking asshole you were before all of a sudden my fault?"

That seemed to hurt more than both of them expected because Eric looked at Kyle with a killer scowl and pushed him hard, making him fall to the bed "You're the one who promised to come here last year and just a couple of days before cancelled saying you had something important to do! You're the one who probably fucking lied just to get fucked by some euro dick instead of coming back to the people who love you! So yeah! It is your fault!"

Kyle looked at Eric in pure shock and disbelief for a few seconds before sitting on the bed and looking to Stan "Can you leave us alone for a while?"

"Kyle… Are you sure?" Stan sounded very apprehensive at the idea of leaving those two alone in such a moment. Kyle just nodded and Stan sighed, standing up and stopping beside the brunet "Eric just… Don't…" Eric huffed and Stan shook his head while walking out of the room, dragging Kenny who had been waiting by the door.

For a long while there was just silence. Eric looking down to Kyle and the red head looking to the bed, immersed in thoughts "So… That's what the problem is?" He finally said looking up.

"A big fucking problem I would say" Eric replied angry.

Kyle sighed and moved to a side of the bed, clearly making place for Eric "Can you sit down at least?" The larger man rolled his eyes but complied, sitting far from Kyle but looking at him "Last year I had my bags already made a week before I had to leave. I was so excited for seeing you all that my roommate and classmates rolled their eyes every time I started talking because the only thing I could talk about was how much I missed you and how happy I was for coming back" The ginger smiled bitterly and then sighed "But the faculty made some last minute changes and moved my exams to a month earlier which fell right in the middle of my stay here and cut all of our winter vacations. You know all this, I told you when it happened. Why is it a problem now?"

"Because that's what you said" Eric scoffed snidely "But I guess there were more interesting things to do there than coming to see your boyfriends. To see me…"

Kyle bit his lip to repress a sob and a tear fell from his eye "You don't trust me…"

Eric's expression changed instantly at the cracked voice of the red head and he frowned "No! That's not it! I do trust you but…" He looked to the side and could feel his own eyes becoming watery "Sometimes my head tells me stuff… Horrible stuff when any of you are away… It keeps repeating that you don't love me and that you will all leave me…"

"What the hell Eric?" Kyle dabbed at his tears angrily "We've been together for seven years and you still believe that we will leave you? Doesn't all of what we've done for you mean anything?"

"It fucking does! I know that okay?!" Eric got up and kicked the bed pushing it a bit with a screeching sound. Kyle looked astounded at the bed because he thought that with its weight there was no way someone could move it alone. The brunet then walked away and huffed "It's just… Ugh… I can't help to have these stupid thoughts and to feel that everything good I have will disappear in a second"

"Eric, calm down and sit here again please" Kyle sniffled but spoke calmly. The fat man took a deep breath and sat down "Okay, here's the thing: Every second I spend away from you, any of you, be it in college or visiting my parents or whatever, I always miss you so much that it physically hurts sometimes. When I had to leave it felt like someone was cutting a piece of me. It fucking sucks to be apart from you and when I'm feeling bad or stressed about something I can't even get the comfort from the guys I love because they're thousands of miles away and it's horrible" Kyle's voice had already cracked by now and Eric was silently crying too "But I really wanted to study there and have a good career doing something I love to then enjoy the fruits of all that effort with all of you. And you know what's the worst part of all this? When I came here today I felt horrible when I should have been happy for seeing you again. And it wasn't the fact that you acted like a jerk or didn't want to kiss me or anything else. What really hurt was that I saw how sad you were. Seeing you sad is awful to me. It's a complete deal breaker when I know that you're not happy"

The ginger stopped talking for a moment where he tried to control the sobbing that wanted to come out. He finally cleared his throat and wiped at his eyes "I've been thinking this whole afternoon and was talking to Stan about it when you came to the room… I'm gonna try to ask for a transference to another school, one closer to here so I can finish my studies being near to all of you…"

Eric seemed to have been taken from his sobbing by a punch in the face and he jumped closer to Kyle, grabbing him by the shoulders and frowning deeply at him "You're not doing that" His voice was strained and raspy but his tone was fierce and commanding. Then he let go of Kyle and sighed "Seeing you sad is a deal breaker for me too. I love you too much to see you squandering your life's dream just because of me. So you're gonna finish your career in Oxford like you always wanted and you will get the job you always dreamed of"

"That means I'm gonna have to leave again and stay another two years there…" Kyle bit the inside of his cheek.

"I know that but…" Eric gulped and looked down "Listen, you're important to me. You, Stan and Kenny are the most important things in my life and I don't want to ruin yours just because I'm fucked up" The large brunet shook his head and looked at Kyle "I'm sorry for being a jerk to you"

"You're not fucked up" Kyle gave Eric a half smile and caressed his arm "But you do have some huge issues…" He closed his eyes for a second and then smiled fully "Look, I'm gonna try to finish my studies in one year. If I make an effort I could do it and would come back sooner"

Eric shook his head again and smiled too "You don't need to do that. Just finish in the time you had planned and well… I'll try to deal with my stuff…"

"No listen, I will try to finish early" Kyle grabbed Eric's hands and looked at him with the same determination from years ago "And you will promise to start going to therapy"

Eric rolled his eyes "I already went to therapy and it didn't got me anything…"

"That month you spent at the clinic was barely a patching up based on drugs for the mess you were" Kyle huffed a bit annoyed "You need real therapy. You need to heal…" The ginger caressed Eric's hands softly "Eric, I'm worried for you, we all are. It's not healthy that you fall apart every time any of us leaves for more than a couple of days. It's not healthy that you can't sleep without us leaving a skype window open when you're in college or you have nightmares… You need help, professional help to deal with all your abandonment issues and that voice you have that tells you awful things. We all want you to be happy. A whole and happy person who won't break down if any of us is not with you. Not because you're a burden or something but because you deserve to be happy and healthy"

The large brunet closed his eyes and leaned towards Kyle who wrapped his arms around him "I guess… I could try maybe…"

Kyle hummed pleased as he caressed Eric's back "That's a good start" Then he scoffed "And just so you know, there was just one euro dick I got in England, or more like half euro since his mother is from Kansas… And it was just once"

"Just once?" Eric raised himself and looked surprised at Kyle "How the fuck did you managed to have sex just once in two years? Shit, I can't go two weeks without doing it"

Kyle chuckled and nodded "I know that… But even if we agreed that I could fool around if I needed it while in there I just… Well, I didn't felt right doing it because I was constantly thinking about how bad you would feel about it and also… I didn't really want it. I mean, I did had the need and it was horrible but I needed to be with the three of you, not some random dude I met there"

"I feel so stupid for mistrusting you" Eric sighed.

"You fucking should" Kyle raised an eyebrow "I come here and you're being an idiot not even giving me a kiss when I've been dying for it for the last two years" Eric looked down for a moment and then dove to kiss Kyle deeply. The red head returned the kiss almost desperately and they made out for a long while.

They were laying on the bed when Eric finally pulled from the kiss and shouted to the door "You two can stop being such creeps listening behind the door and come inside already"

Almost instantly Kenny barged into the room and smirked at the sight of Eric and Kyle entangled in a loving embrace. The blond ran to the bed and dove just behind Eric, wrapping his arm around him "Did you broke the asshole spell this one had on him?"

"Something like that" Kyle chuckled "He promised to behave and be a good boy for all of us"

"I didn't promise that" Eric pouted but was shut up by Stan kissing him.

The black haired man then sat behind Kyle and caressed his side "Are we a happy quartet again already?"

Eric nodded and smirked "We could be happier if you all take off your damned clothes and start getting on it" He took off his shirt and threw it to the floor. The others laughed and imitated him finally enjoying of the reunion they had waited for so long.

_***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles._


End file.
